Some Memories Are Worth Fighting For
by iamnotaplatypus
Summary: Sarah Miller is a patient at the Reefton Lakes Psychological Unit. What will happen when her quest to regain her memory brings her to Summer Bay? Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey this is my first fanfiction but it's been in my head for ages so I decided to just type it up. You might not understand it yet or later on lose the gist of it but I'm just going to keep writing and try to make it believable and not make anyone lost. Anyway I hope you all enjoy and it will connect to Home and Away later on. Please read and review :)**

CHAPTER ONE

The waves glistened as the fading light hit their surface, dying the sapphire water a glorious orange. In the distance I could see the first stars emerge, sparkling like one thousand tiny fireflies. It would be the image of paradise, if it wasn't for the gritty sand between my toes or the salty chill blowing from the east. But I had learnt to ignore these factors, as I knew it wouldn't last. As I gazed out into the distance I looked at the watch on my left wrist which showed the time to be 11:23. As I watched the minute hand tick over my ears exploded from a deafening blast, and a searing pain pierced my stomach. I out a bloodcurdling scream as I awoke in my room, gazing up at the white ceiling that enclosed my cell. A few months ago the nightmare would have attracted at least seven nursing staff, but that dream had become so frequent that no one even blinked as my screams echoed through the corridors. After four months in the Reefton Lakes Psychological Unit, the staff had still not conquered the nightmare that haunted me every night. And I didn't care, because it was the only thing that I felt I owned in this place, it was the only thing that felt real. I guess it was stupid to hold onto something as fake as a dream, but I felt it was more than that...

_Flashback_

"_Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?" I heard a male voice asking._

"_Look Samuel she's responding!" exclaimed a woman's voice._

_I struggled to contain a groan as my eyes fluttered slightly. I didn't feel like responding to these people, I just wanted to be left alone. But the pain in my abdomen was too much to bear._

"_Ouch" I said my voice hoarse and scratchy. _

_I opened my eyes as wide as I could to see a tall man with short dark hair staring right at me with wide brown eyes. To his side I saw a short woman with a stocky build smiling at me with waves of long red hair cascading down her shoulders. From the way they were dressed I guessed they were doctors of some sort, coming to put out the fire in my stomach. I strained my brain to remember any sort of detail as to why the burning had started but my mind came up blank. In fact, my entire head was blank; I couldn't remember a single thing._

"_Who the hell are you and where the hell am I!" I rasped at the duo, my heartbeat grew faster and my survival instincts kicked in. I tried to get up but the pain seared, causing me to keel over in agony._

"_Whoa, take it easy honey! My name is Jessie and this is Dr Thomas, you are in the City Hospital, you've just had an operation" said the red headed woman._

"_Do you remember anything from beforehand?" asked Dr Thomas._

"_Um, no" I said, after a minute racking my brain. I couldn't remember anything, not even my own name._

"_Do you remember anything at all darling?" Jessie asked, her annoyingly sweet voice sending shivers down my aching spine. _

"_Well I remember how to speak but that's about it. Uh, who am I and how did I get here?" I said, my gravelly voice scraping my words. Jessie and Dr Thomas exchanged a furtive glace before Dr Thomas quickly left the room._

"_Where is he going? Is something wrong?" I asked Jessie, my breathing becoming quicker. They were hiding something._

"_Oh nothing's wrong honey. He just needs to check on something with the authorities." Jessie said before quickly dropping her gaze. Now I knew they were hiding something. I heard raised voices approaching and Dr Thomas re-entered the room followed by a tall blonde police officer._

"_My name is Inspector Davison, is it true you don't remember anything?" The police officer asked. Behind him I could see Dr Thomas shy away in Davison's shadow, having obviously lost their argument._

"_Yes it is, could someone please tell me who I am and why I am here?" I croaked loudly, my confusion escalating._

"_Your name is Sarah Miller. You are 32 years old. You were an accountant in Brisbane but moved down to Sydney. A month ago at exactly 11:24AM you and you're parents collided with a semi-trailer at the intersection between Strathpine and James. The truck collided on the left hand side of the vehicle, so being the driver you weren't as severely hurt, you still sustained a very serious puncture to the abdomen and a knock to the head, so you've been in a coma for about 28 days, but I am very sorry to inform you that you're parents didn't make it." Inspector Davison said._

"_Are you feeling alright honey?" Jessie said as she saw the frown of confusion on my face._

"_Yeah, I'm alright" I said "It's just weird you know, I feel like I should feel bad for my parents but how do you grieve for someone you don't even remember."_

"_Just rest honey, maybe you will remember in the morning." Jessie said as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. That was the night of my first nightmare._

_End of Flashback_

The thing was that after two months recovery, a month in counselling and four months in mental care, I still hadn't remembered a thing. I sometimes wondered that if I had kept the nightmares to myself then things would have turned out differently, and I wouldn't be stuck in some psychological unit. If only I could contain the scream that escaped my lips every night, and escape the beautifully real ocean image that had led everyone to believe I was insane. So many times I asked doctors if they had accidentally messed up some details of my life story, but I always got the same responses of: "Of course darling", "We are absolutely sure honey "and "give it time love, we wouldn't lie to you" I was so sick of being patronized. It was almost as if they were trying to convince me of some pretend life, because no matter how hard it tried, none of the memories they shoved down my throat sparked anything. My only escape was the terrible nightmares. The second I closed my eyes I was right back there; back to the salty breeze and the rushing waves. That night, as the blast echoed throughout my head I made myself a promise. I promised to escape the madhouse and track down the beach that was the source of my 'insanity'.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I have been slack in uploading my second chapter but I had to STUDY STUDY STUDY for my exams the past two weeks! I also decided I needed to space my story out to create suspense and not make it too rushed etc. so I wrote myself an overview. This chapter is really short but I thought I should upload something! It's really good to get this story out of my head so read and review :)**

CHAPTER 2

1 month. 1 month, 14 days and 7 hours to be exact, that's how long it had been since I made my promise. The words rebounded inside my tormented skull. 1 month, 14 days and 7 hours of thinking, planning and not sleeping, had led to nothing. No pristine beaches or glowing sunsets, no gritty sand or salty gales. Not even a waft of fresh, outside air had entered my system in that time. Of course I had experienced the beaches and sunsets, but they were purely psychological. Still, after all this time, without fail, the same nightmare would play out regularly in my head; the same beach, the same blast at 11:24, and the same excruciating pain in my lower torso, the only difference now was that I had learnt to hide it.

I figured that, by hiding my nightmare, the staff would see my 'improvement' and allow me back into the public unit, where I had been allocated until my persistent questions about beaches had made the nurses assume that I had become more crazy. They figured that my obsessing needed to be dealt with, so they locked me away in the high care unit; a place for nutcases who were too much for the outside world. I really couldn't understand the logic in that though. If I had learnt one thing it was that isolation really did send you loopy, I now understood why half of all horror movies involved some psycho maniac from the local asylum. The bright white walls of my 2 by 2 cell were like some sort of hypnotic force; sucking out the remainder of my sanity. But I held onto my beach.

On day 50 at 10:34AM, in the same high security room with the same white walls, something broke my isolation. Usually at exactly 8AM I would be given a bland breakfast consisting of sludgy oats and bitter juice, and I would only be interrupted again at 7PM for a dinner of corned beef and tinned vegetables, so this was strange. A pair of nurses entered my room with a suspicious looking briefcase. One nurse was about 50, with strict pursed lips and her hair flawlessly pinned back in a faded brown bun. The other nurse looked like she was in her 20's. I recognised her as one of the people who delivered me meals. Usually I ignored them but she stood out to me. She was tall and had nice eyes and, unlike the other nurses who just plonked my food on the table and left, she would always give me a small smile. These little things had made me trust her.

"What is going on?" I asked the nice girl, without looking at the older lady. At this, the two nurses unclipped the briefcase and spilled its contents onto the floor.

"We are going to make you look presentable, you have a visitor" said the older lady, as she picked up a hairbrush.

In the entire 6 months and 18 days that I had been here, I had only caught a glimpse of my reflection twice, but these glimpses had been enough. The first time I had looked okay; my dark hair was a bit knotty and oily, and my eyes had only showed a slight bit of sleep deprivation, but other than that I could have passed as a normal person. The second time was when I was transferred to the high maintenance unit, and that should have shocked the living daylights out of me, but I had been past the point of caring. Now, as the nurses attempted to make the matted mess that was my hair halfway decent, I stared blankly at my reflection.

The first thing I noticed was my eyes, which because my face was so thin, seemed to pop out of my head. They were wide and staring with a slightly mad tinge, which was reinforced by the dark, bruise-like shadows underneath my eyes. The blue of my irises was vivid, yet at the same time lifeless. My hair which, when I had woken up, had been rich and luscious and fell in long dark brown waves down my shoulders, was now a dead dishevelled mess that hung limply and down my back. My body was naturally thin, but undernourishment had made me thinner. Compared to the two healthy nurses I was a skeleton, my flesh merging with bone and my clothes hanging loosely around my translucent pale skin. Every now and then my body would twitch, adding to the crazy vibe. But then again, maybe I really was crazy. Maybe that was why I couldn't remember my life.

After about fifteen minutes the nurses stepped back from me and examined their handiwork. They had tied my hair back into a simple ponytail and disguised the dark rings under my eyes with a thin layer of makeup. The young nurse took my arm and led me to threshold of my cell, where I took a step into the outside world. Even though I was still in the psychological unit, this was the first time I had stepped outside since I had moved into high care 45 days ago, so it was pretty significant. I revelled in the glory and absorbed as much as I could of the bland scenery as the nurse guided me down the corridors to a big oak door. As we entered the large room I took in the sight of people, real life people that weren't dressed in nurses' uniforms, lounging and chatting on the sofas. As she directed me towards a small coffee table, I finally caught a glimpse of my visitor who was sitting expectantly on the couch next to the table. It was Dr. Thomas.


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is a serving of chapter 3: with a side of vegetables, no tomatoes and extra chips. This is a TINY update but I got distracted and COULD NOT stop reading "My Saving Grace" (great fanfic, I read it all the way through) then I went on a holiday :P**

**The chapters at the start of this story are going to be very slow updates because its hard to build up the story (I just want to get to the drama! but I NEED to set out the background carefully for everything later on :S) it's REALLY hard writing these chapters but once I get to Summer Bay, the updates will be regular. **

**I find it pretty hard to write long chapters so I figure, when I get this fic up and running, I will have short (but regular!) updates. Anyway it's quality over quantity right :) So if you reckon this fic is quality then please review because it will encourage me to write these tedious first chapters quicker :D**

CHAPTER 3

During my time in hospital, Dr Thomas had been a rock to me. Whilst I was struggling with my injuries; physical and psychological, he had been there for me. In between Jessie's cooing and the endless reassurance that came from the hospital staff and the police, Dr Thomas hadn't tried to rush anything. He had just sat by my bedside and didn't patronise me as he jotted notes on his clipboard. Now as he sat before me, I felt a glimmer of hope. Apart from the nice nurse, he was the only person I trusted since I had woken up. I guessed there were more people that I just couldn't remember but for now he was it; he was my only friend.

I stood before him, only now becoming aware of my mouth, which was gaping wide like a fish out of water. I had no idea what to say, so I sat in the seat opposite him and gazed into his hazel eyes.

"It's great to see you again Sarah" he said, breaking the tension.

"Uh yeah, it's um... good to see you too. How have you been?" I replied. Although I liked Dr Thomas, it was so strange after months of near isolation to have a normal conversation under almost normal circumstances.

"I have been fine, but that doesn't matter, I am concerned about you. So how have you been, are you coping alright?" he said, his brow wrinkling with concern.

"Well; I still have nightmares, I live in a high security psycho unit and I cannot remember anything about myself so I am doing great thank you very much!" I snapped back sarcastically, but instantly regretted it as Dr Thomas lowered his gaze to his feet. I needed to keep him onside, or I could possibly lose the only visitor I had ever had. "Sorry, it's just hard you know. Everyone thinks I'm crazy, including you I guess. I don't know, maybe I am crazy."

"I don't think you're crazy Sarah." He said to no one in particular, his gaze still focussed on the floor.

"Don't patronize me" I spat back "just come out and say what you really think okay!"

"I don't think you're crazy, I truly don't" Dr. Thomas whispered back as he brought his eyes back to mine. I felt a little confused by this statement. I mean, if he as a doctor didn't think I was crazy, then how did I end up getting shoved into this madhouse. Or maybe he was just trying to comfort me, whatever, the deed was done because, if I wasn't crazy when I was admitted, I would certainly be crazy now.

"Do you really mean that, or are you just telling me what I want to hear?" I kept my eyes glued to his, my body rigid with anticipation, just waiting for his answer...

"Yes, I really mean it; I know you are not crazy. I'm just sorry you ended up in this place" he nodded to the white walls.

"You're sorry are you?" I said, my frustration reaching dangerous levels. "You're sorry for what, being the one that recommended this place, for being the one that signed the admission papers!" I stared icily at him as guilt flooded his face.

"Please stop, Sarah!" he pleaded "I just need to explain!"

"Explain what exactly? How sorry you are for getting me stuck in a mental hospital? Well I'm sorry but I am not really in the mood for excuses!" I probably shouldn't have been attacking him like that, but quite frankly, I didn't care.

"Please let me talk Sarah!" he pleaded. I nodded my head, signalling him to start talking. "First of all I never wanted to put you in this sort of place, but it was for your own good, you weren't safe at the City Hospital. Inspector Davison told me that in your early life you made quite a few enemies, and you were mentally unstable."

"So you, knowing that I wasn't a complete basket case, decided to get me chucked in a nuthouse! And how do you make enemies that are that dangerous, what did I do, steal their lunch money?" My previous life was getting more confusing by the second.

"I really can't tell you that Sarah, the police swore me to secre.."

"Bullcrap! It's MY life and I have the right to know what I did!" I screamed, jumping up from my chair. At this a pair of security guards rushed over and grabbed me by the arms, locking me in their grip. "Please Dr. Thomas, please" I cried, the whole room now staring at my howling figure. Dr. Thomas rose from his chair and gave me a hug, something I hadn't experienced for 6 months and 18 days.

"I'll be back Sarah" he whispered in my ear, his mouth hidden by my hair "and I will help you."

Then the guards took me back to my cell.


End file.
